Going Under

My brother told me in a half drunken stupor at his bachelor's party the night before his wedding, "You need to learn to give up control. Sometimes you just need to let goooooo."

Later this week I have minor surgery scheduled (don't ask). It will be the third time in my life I will be put to sleep. My brother is right, I don't like to lose control.

I have tried to master "control".

In high school I took control of my hunger. I was the typical anorexic teenager. I taught myself to enjoy the numb feeling that followed the hunger from skipping meals. The fact that I didn't give into my body proved my strength.

I also learned to master panic. I pushed myself to swim the length of an Olympic size pool without taking a breath, sometimes longer. Deep under the surface, the hum of water in my ears, my body would soon react and try to force me upwards to take a breath. But if I swam through it, the panic would soon fade. I taught myself to hold my breath for longer and longer, until the panic did not come at all.

So the question is, if you "let go" of control, who or what do you give it up to?


  1. I do believe that letting go of control is a good thing. Once you master the "panic" thing, life becomes easier each day:) Thank you for posting.

  2. I tend to like to do things myself, but I also recognize that there are a lot of things I can't do.

    I'm perfectly comfortable letting the pilot do his thing while I read a book, but if we're driving somewhere, I need to have the keys or I'll be really annoying.

  3. Best wishes for your surgery Danielle. Letting go is never easy. I practice yoga three times a week which is all about control and letting go. It's funny how often it inspires my writing.

  4. Will keep you in my thoughts for the surgery, Danielle! I've gone 'under' three times already (Breast cancer x2) and if there's one thing I hate, it's to give up control. But life's really a balance of control and release - find your perfect spot along that spectrum. :)

  5. I pray that everything goes well with you for your surgery Danielle. I will be thinking of you.
    Having had four children and breast cancer I gave up the idea of control long ago...lol.

  6. It's nothing major. Thanks for your well wishes :)